I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize