Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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