i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
