She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
