I just threw up on my dentist
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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