VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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