I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
