Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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