i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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