Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
