I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Even my vagina gasped.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize