i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
