those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
