Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
