people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm like, not good at living.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
