Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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