please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
