I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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