im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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