Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
