I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
