separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
