I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize