At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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