Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize