If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we have officially lost it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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