You really coming over, don't trick.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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