I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize