Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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