I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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