Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
