Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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