And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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