She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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