Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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