remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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