There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
