reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
