You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
