Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
