Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
