this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
