I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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