I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
