I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
