Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
