things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She bit a glass in half.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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