you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The Olympian is in my bed
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