I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
