i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
