So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
