i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
