but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
