Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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