Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize