tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As shirtless as possible
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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