Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
