I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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