Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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