another moral hangover. fuck.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
