u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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