So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
