I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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