My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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