covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
