Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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