i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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