I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
