U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
