There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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