So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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